Forever Seventeen
by The Almighty Hoove
Summary: Oh, I suck at summaries. It's about Chihiro and Haku, how complicated her life has become as a result of his actions, and how they cope with her 17th birthday. Significance of all explained within. R&R and you get a cookie and a dedication of your choice.
1. Prologue

**A/N: Sorry if it's no good! This is my first real shot at anything! The prologue (this!) is in Haku's POV. Feel free to flame.**

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_Kohaku,_

I can't seem to ever really get this right, and nobody is really reading this but Kathy, so Ill just start.

I think about you a lot.

Apparently it's kind of obvious because I get "this look" on my face, and people seem to think I'm insane now. I go to therapy, and every week I rewrite (well, re_type_. I stopped handwriting these years ago.) this letter, in hopes of finally pleasing my therapist, the aforementioned Kathy. She can't seem to understand how _real_ you feel, and how the dreams, even though it's really the same one over and over, are real, too.

Oops, writing that is going to get me a dirty look. But, anyway, the "look" I get on my face is apparently some horrible cross between pain and... more pain, like I've lost a** limb** instead of a fantasy, and I am suddenly feeling the severance. I don't know what to _do_ with that, Haku. I try to hide it, but I've never really mastered the art of subtlety, as you (or I, I guess) would know. It's weird for me to think you were never there.

They say I think about you too much, that it's unhealthy for me to be obsessed with a delusion like this.

But to me you're _not_ a delusion. And I cant stop thinking about you, and in some ways I don't want to. Even though I'm usually afraid to say anything, right now I need to say it. And I need you to hear it, even if it just means reading this to myself. I don't want to remember you anymore, but I still do. I don't want this, but I have it. And I don't know this, but I feel it. I just...can't bear it anymore. I have a life to live now, and I intend on living it to the fullest. I'm letting go, if you were ever there.

_Chihiro.__  
_

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**I crushed the letter to my chest,** inhaling the painfully familiar scent of her perfume. The piece of paper was crumpled from where she had thrown it out in a fit. It was unusual for her to get so angry, but it was an understandable rage; who were they to consider her insane? And why couldn't she take control of her own mind? I wouldn't have known so much about her reasons if she had not shouted them at her parents.

It stung me that all of this was my fault. She wouldn't know who I was if she hadn't freed me. She would've simply forgotten. . .

I shuddered.

Watching her for the past six years, three months, and five days had been horrifying. I had witnessed her transformation from a happy (if not overly paranoid) child to a husk of her old self. She became skin and bones, and she absolutely refused eat until her playmate returned. She was sent to therapy for what they called anorexia nervosa, but the light that had once been in her eyes didn't return with the weight. I read every one of her many letters, sneaking into her room while she was away at school. To my disdain, they became less and less pleading as they became more recent, almost as if she had given up. It broke my heart to see her like this, and though I had been freed of my contract with Yubaba, I couldn't bring myself to make myself known. She wouldn't have recognized me anyway; the day she left, something strange had happened. I was standing in Yubaba's office, and just as I was released from my contract. . . .

I grew, almost like a human, but not quite. It was too sudden, like a flash of lightening against a midnight sky; imperceptibly swift, and easy to ignore until you realize what it left in it's wake.

But I suppose the correct word would be _matured,_ not_ grew._ My entire body became larger, and more muscled, changing into something entirely different from the body I had originally (albeit subconsciously) chosen. Upon venturing out I discovered that I could pass as a twenty year old man. My hair and clothes had made it impossible to get a serious job, but that was okay. I didn't need money or fine clothing, and I could pilfer food easily. Others saw me as a normal street rat, just a kid trying to make his way. I couldn't help but yearn for the old days in the Spirit world. This one was so cold and so cruel. And what was the use when I couldn't even be with Chihiro?

I was different now. The fact kept slamming into my mind, over over again, and each time was just as jarring as the last. It was a change I'd have to get used to. A _major_ change.

But when I looked in the mirror, I could still see what I was, and I could still change into my other form at will. If I had entered Chihiro's room at the time, she would've screamed. I was not the Haku she remembered, and I was sickened by how different I was, and even more sickened by my own inability to rescue her from the world I had exposed her to.

I read hundreds of books, trying to figure out why my body had changed so quickly. It seemed like all hope was lost, but then I stumbled across an article in a random book, which explained it almost immediately. Beings like me only fall in love once. We are constant creatures, and so our bodies adapt to the needs of our chosen mate. They change to fit what is needed at the time by our love (not including food — I can't turn into talking tofu, as disappointing as that may be).

Needless to say, I was beyond confused. But after a while, I finally came to a conclusion.

Something must've gone wrong with me. I _should've_ stayed a little boy. _That's_ what Chihiro had needed; her friend Haku. I couldn't bear to think that, had Yubaba released me earlier, I probably would've changed immediately. I could've been this... _thing_ in front of Chihiro.

And she **never** would've gone near me.

Another tremor rocked through me as I clutched at the paper.

She had just screamed in her sleep again. It tore through me, making my heart sink and my muscles tense. I'd never get used to that. The screams had gotten louder lately, and more peircing. Almost as if she was awaiting her seventeenth birthday as anxiously as I was. It was the day I had decided I would finally show myself to her. It was _next Thursday._

I looked at her through her window again, wondering how this could've happened to someone so innocent and pure. Her dark blue eyes were closed, and the features around them were like those of a porcelain doll. Her long, dark hair was brushed out of her face, hanging to her waist. It was usually braided during the day. I suddenly realized this was something she hid from everyone else. It was something that only Chihiro, Her parents, and I witnessed. Seeing her like this, so _intimately,_ made me quiver. Her pale face, illuminated in the full moon's light, was horror-struck, just like every other night, and I could almost feel her terror in finding the same dream again.

_What had I done?_

I sniffed. Men didn't think like this. River spirits thought like this, and I couldn't afford to be that. Because, apparently, now Chihiro needed a man. I chuckled darkly to myself.

_Well, I suppose if you fail once again to be what she wants and needs, you can always go back. Too bad that stupid Kaonashi had to take the only spot at Zeniba's.  
_

I sighed, forcing myself to think of something else. I wouldn't give up. As long as there was an inkling of hope to be crushed, I would try. And even then, maybe. I would most likely never give up on Chihiro Oniga.

Not as long as I remembered.

The memory that had kept me there, watching her, year after year.

I could still recall the day she left my world, as clearly as if it had just happened. And I could remember the anxiousness that laced every one of our last words to each other. But most of all, I remembered the unmistakable pull towards her as she ran away, and now the urgent need to watch over her and protect her. To tell you the truth, I kind of felt like a dirty old pervert for feeling so bound to such a young child, but I knew that she was it. She was the one I would give up my immortality for.

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**A/N: Sorry it's so extremely short, that is if you enjoyed it at all. Please review either way. This is just taking up space on Fanfic if it's sucko. And if I get 5 reviews, I'll continue it.**

_I'm going to go watch Footloose and develop a weird crush on Kevin Bacon, yeah?_

I give you some PIE! for entertainment!

And also a drawing of what Haku looks like at this point, as well as Chihiro (NOT BY ME!)

It's on my profile, at least the URL is. Links don't seem to work for me on here.

And also

Five reviews (not from Anne) and I will update!

-xoxox, The Hoove.


	2. Chapter 1

**A/N: Eek, sorry if this chapter is more horrendous than the last! It's probably way too short and whatnot, but I pulled an all-nighter writing this, and I have no beta and...** **yeah, enough with the excuses, even though I know there are almost no people who are anticipating this. I couldn't wait to update, okay? SORRY IF IT SUCKS! R&R?**

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**Chihiro**

I smoothed down my dark green sweater, sighing and stealing one last look in the mirror. So this is as good as it was going to get. I still looked slightly disheveled because I hadn't had time to properly get ready, but it'd have to do for now; I could touch it up later, or have Mei do it. My hair, woven into a boring dark brown plait that hung down my back, was slightly frizzy on the top, and I usually wouldn't have gone out with it like that.

But today would have to be an exception, because I was running late. I hurried downstairs, trying to reach the door before my mother noticed what color I was wearing. She always gave me a hard time when I wore dark green, just because it was _his_ eye color. You would think, with how crazy I apparently was, that she'd be happy that I was at least lucid enough to know my colors. But to tell the truth, it made me feel safer when I wore this color, almost like I had a piece of him with me.

It didn't matter how much medication they shoved down my throat or how many therapy sessions I attended, or even how many stupid letters I was forced to write to "gain closure". He would always be real to me. He still mattered to me, though I'd never admit it. But it didn't matter, because I was counting on never meeting him again; I doubted I could do that and simultaneously stay sane.

I giggled. How ironic would that be? _Him_, showing up, out of the blue and proving I was sane, only to be the one who drove me to insanity.

I had to get out of here, though, before I tipped Mom off to the fact that I was awake. I tried to creep towards the door, completely sure that Mom was about to walk in to scold me and waste my time. So, holding my breath, I reached hesitantly for the brass knob and turned it slowly. And to my complete surprise, it opened easily without creaking, for once. With an inward sigh of relief, I slipped outside and made my way towards the only thing I could really be happy about right now. My car.

It wasn't anything special, just an old, junky, clunky Toyota, but I was still beyond thankful for it. I climbed in, plopping into the plushy driver's seat and cranking the air conditioner.

It was only a short way to the school, but I preferred this to walking. At least then I had the freedom to go where I wanted to _after_ school, though it wasn't as if I had many people to hang out with; it was really just Mei and Ren. I laughed, remembering their faces when they saw my car for the first time. They had nicknamed it Godzilla.

I was suddenly pulled back into reality and forced to look up as someone honked their horn from behind me. I realized with extreme embarrassment I had come to a stop at a traffic light across the intersection from the High School, and the light was green. I swallowed, unsure if I was ready to face another day there. But I'd have to suck it up. I was a Junior. Next year I'd graduate and finally have a valid excuse to leave this place.

Pulling into a parking space and yanking the keys out of the ignition, I got out and locked the doors. I had to get to first period, and quickly. Mr. Jefferson wasn't a very forgiving teacher, and there was no doubt in my mind that I would be thoroughly punished if I was late for class _again. _Running full-speed towards my locker, I skidded to a stop as I saw someone at the end of the hallway. My heart stopped. Not again. Not here. I willed the person to go away, concentrating hard on that space becoming empty, but the dark-haired man just kept walking towards me, his chin-length hair quivering slightly with each movement. I opened my locker, hoping that by the time it was shut, the man would've disappeared. But this never worked, and I was pretty sure it never would.

I took a deep breath. I'd never get used to how much Sam looked like Haku. Well, what I had imagined an older Haku to look like. Still slightly boyish, slender, and fine featured, yet completely manly, not delicate. I knew it was wrong to ignore him without any explanation, but I couldn't handle it. I heard his deep voice from behind me, the slight rasp in it catching my attention. It sounded to me like he'd been doing some cheering at last night's game.

"Hey, Chihiro," he seemed more subdued than usual. Maybe it wouldn't be so hard to let him down today.

"Yes, Sam?"

"I was wondering if you'd like to go to Thursday's game with me," I sighed as the hope in his voice rose dangerously. I had been wrong; today wouldn't be any easier than usual. His face crinkled in anticipation, lines forming around his bright emerald eyes. That was the only thing that was off about him; the eyes were far too light. Other than that, the resemblance was shockingly uncanny.

"No, Sam. Why do you ask me so often when you know I'm not interested?"

He shrugged and walked away, clearly feeling the sting of rejection. I couldn't help but feel a bit of annoyance towards him. He had already known the answer I was going to give him. Why did he have to be so damn _persistent_?! Every time I saw him, I thought it was Haku. It just reopened wounds that were having a hard enough time healing when they were left alone.

It was like some sick, twisted joke. Someone who closely resembled the one I wanted most to see, asking to see _me_. Maybe I'd take him up on his offer one day, but I didn't have any time to make amends that day; our little encounter had just cost me two and a half minutes, and the hallways were becoming less and less crowded.

"Shoot," I muttered under my breath, scurrying towards my classroom at the other end of the hall. I was so late. Why hadn't I heard the tardy bell yet? Mr. Jefferson would be so pleased. I could just imagine the cold gleam in his eyes, a look he only used when giving students detention. Oh, crap. I was sure that I was going to get it.

It seemed that day was going my way, though, because I slid into my seat beside Mei right as the tardy bell rang. It earned me a nasty look from Mr. Jefferson, and I grinned triumphantly.

I took out my notepad, scribbled a brief note to Mei, and slid it across the rectangular table.

_Mei! Tell me what you're getting me for my birthday! It's the big 1-7! You better get me some pie, dammit. An occasion as special as this calls for pie! Or maybe a replacement Godzilla? :)  
_

Mei just looked at me and shook her head. I made an irritated noise in the back of my throat. I'd squeeze it out of Ren later; they had to be teaming up for something. I suppressed a laugh, trying to imagine how annoyed at eachother they probably got while I wasn't around. Mei was the calm one, always completely concrete and mature. Her decisions were always backed up by sound facts and her nature was completely parallel to Ren's. Ren was spontaneous and goofy, and he always had a light in his eyes that I never quite understood, like he had a big, fun secret.

I giggled suddenly as I realized that Mei and Ren were probably going to end up together. Mei had already confessed how extremely annoying he was, but I knew her well enough to see through her flimsy facade of annoyance.

I decided to antagonize Mei about it. Maybe then she'd tell me what the hell I was getting for my birthday. I hated surprises, and I really hated being surprised by people who knew me.

I tore a sheet of paper out of my Math notebook and scribbled furiously, writing in all capital letters.

_I KNOW ABOUT REN!_

I slid it sideways towards her, keeping my eyes on Mr. Jefferson, trying to make sure he wasn't looking in our direction. As Mei unfolded the note and read, her eyes widened in confusion and fear. I chuckled maniacally and waggled my eyebrows. She simply glared and wrote down something else that I couldn't see because she was shielding the paper from my eyes. She slid the paper to me, her movements stilted, like she was anticipating what was about to happen, and I couldn't help but stop breathing for a moment as I read the name.

_WELL YOU KNOW I KNOW ABOUT **HAKU!**_

It was strange how when I was around my friends I could stop thinking about him. They were like my morphine; temporary but effective. It was like they turned off some switch in my brain, allowing me to live normally when I was with them. I gasped for air, realizing that I had been holding my breath for almost a minute. I desperately tried to control my breathing and look on the bright side; I'd obviously struck a nerve, which meant I was probably right about Mei and Ren.

Or Mei, at the very least. But still, that had been beyond uncalled for, and borderline cruel. I snatched my notebook back from her and tried to make it as obvious as possible how angry I was. It seemed ridiculous to me that I should be this angry, but for some reason the fact that she knew his name, and used it against me, no less, made me furious. I ended up ignoring her for the rest of the day, though it was obvious her badgering apologies were sure to turn into late-night phone calls that would keep me from the only solace I had anymore.

As school wore on, I sucessfully kept Haku from my thoughts, but by the time I got home I was tired of trying so hard to keep him out. And though I thought about him the most, he wasn't the only one I remembered. I missed Lin and Boh and Kamaji and Kaonashi. It was less painful to think of them, but still not entirely painless. That amazing, vibrant world simply couldn't have been a dream or a delusion. I wasn't going to flatter myself; I could never be that creative in my _wildest_ dreams. All the creatures I had encountered there, all the characteristics and obscure facts that I had gathered, none of that could be fiction, especially when it stuck out so clearly in my memory. They were the only things that I remembered so well from that time, other than meeting Mei and Ren. I had been so riddled with medications after I had confessed to my parents about the spirit world.

It still stung that they hadn't believed me. They had just looked at me, I'd never forget that look they both wore. It was pity and worry and repulsion, almost as if they were sorry for my life. As if they were sorry they had ever brought such an insane being into this world, and that it was too late to end it.

Those looks, though, had only made me more and more determined in my trying to convince them. I had even come across a spot-on painting of Kaonashi, and it now hung in my room because my parents had obviously feared what would happen if they didn't buy it for me. I remembered the look they had given me when I showed it to them in the store, excited that there was finally something real to show them. They just figured I had stumbled across Kaonashi in one of my fairytale books. They had spent hours poring over my collection, trying unsuccessfully to locate the lone fable that had corrupted their child.

Sighing, I flopped down on my bed.

Mom, at least, had changed, and become more accepting of her daughter's "mental illness". Dad still looked at me like I was crazy, and when he spoke I could tell he was just trying to humour me, like some old relative who has finally lapsed into the final stages of senile dementia. Maybe he was just trying not to upset me, but it was still aggravating.

I didn't go a day without thinking about the Spirit world. I seriously doubted I ever would, and I really didn't want to stop thinking about it, because of what it would mean if I did. It would mean that they were right, that Haku wasn't real. It would mean that I was insane and that this was the life I would have to live, without any real relief of the ongoing tension. But most of all, it would mean having to write and rewrite those damn letters over and over again until I was either forced into submission or I finally broke beyond repair.

To me, it seemed like the latter was more likely.

It was hard, and sometimes I could swear Haku was sitting on the old sycamore tree outside my window, watching me. I could see him if I turned a certain way while I was laying in my bed, eyes half-closed. It was almost like we were playing a game of hide and seek. So childish, yet comforting.

But maybe that was only the dizzying chemical reactions that occur just before sleep, messing with my brain. I had heard somewhere that it was possible. I wondered if my life was simply going to be like this forever; me, pining for something that was supposedly never there, pushing away the ones I cared about most, unable to cope with the loss of something that was never there.

I decided, after some deliberation, to write in my therapy journal. It usually helped clear my mind.

_Dear Journal,_

_Today was hard. I thought about Haku a lot, and Sam asked me out again. I keep thinking; what if that's Haku, and he just can't tell me? I mean, as ridiculous as that may sound to you, it seems plausible to me. But I'm the crazy one here. I'm still a little bit angry at Mei, but I know I shouldn't be, because I would've thought about him today anyway. I feel kind of bad. She called a couple of times tonight, but I had Mom tell her that I was busy and to call back later. I think she understood because after a little while, she stopped calling. I still don't completely understand —_

I was interrupted by a knock on my door. I quickly ripped the page out, still paranoid from the times Mom had checked my journal to see if I was really doing better, and threw it out my window.

"Time to go to bed, Chihiro. You've got to go to therapy tomorrow morning before school, so you'll need to get some sleep tonight," Mom's voice wafted in, muffled by the thick wood.

"Okay, Mom! Love you! Night!" I tucked myself into the bed and turned out the light. I was anxious to see the Haku-apparition tonight. I never really got a clear look at it, but I was sure that was who it was. I mean, c'mon. Who else would be watching me?

I propped myself up a little bit, to get a better angle. Usually what I saw was vague, to say the least. And it was almost as if the thing watching me could sense when I was just about to fall asleep. It consistently showed up when I was conveniently at the edge of uncosciousness.

Settling in some more, I peered out the window clandestinely, my eyes narrowed into slits so that anyone watching would think I was asleep. I waited a couple of minutes, and then got bored with it and decided to actually try and sleep tonight. But just as I started to doze off, there was a flash in the trees, and I could've sworn I saw the metallic glint of scales in the pale moonlight.

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**Okay, opinions, please? I'll gladly rewrite or add if you'd like me to.**

**Writers are really just slaves to the public imagination, you know. So you have to tell me what you want in order to get it. I'm no mind reader.**

**Oogh, I'm going to go to sleep now.**

_I'm going to go let my weird crush on an anime character run wild in my brain, yeah?_

**It's like 7:30 in the AM here._ And I have to effin' work out in about 10 hours! DAMN MY WARPED SUMMER SLEEP SCHEDULE!  
_**

Xo,

Hoove.


	3. Chapter 2

_Do the questions of an imperfect soul not trouble those who have been left unmarked by fate's cruel jurisdiction?_

_Who is to say that I cannot be normal?_

_I question my identity every day because truthful validation never came. _

_I question my sanity every hour because I have no sense to keep it to myself._

_But maybe it is the life of a misfit that is destined to shape me into something more than the general gluttonous degenerate._

_Or, maybe not._

_But since nobody cares to hear my cries or take notice to my lamentation,_

_Do my tears really fall?_

_I believe they do._

_They feel warm against my skin,_

_and they leave quite noticeable consequence_

_in the form of unattractive emotional frenzy_

_interrupted by short spurts of gasping for air_

_a nightmare that I feel the need to keep to myself;_

_why let the public's cold, unfeeling eyes witness yet another fault?_

_But even as my doubts lead me, I feel myself nearing a conclusion_

_only to begin again._

_though this circle may seem tempestuous to me,_

_perhaps it is only because I find myself caught_

_in the very eye of the storm;_

_thinking all is well_

_only to be hit by a massive wave of destruction._

_But I digress._

_What are queries without anyone to truly read them?_

I wrote, hands shaking fitfully and making the words nearly illegible. Kathy had encouraged this; putting my deepest thoughts down on paper. But what did she understand? She had come here from Australia in an attempt to diversify. I was probably just another case to her, and it seemed like she had lost interest in anything I had to say anymore.

She just made me write about things I wasn't comfortable even saying aloud, things that made me question everything about me. She always insisted that it was exactly what she wanted, and made all the appropriate faces, but it always seemed too rehearsed to me. Too prim and proper to be real. Weren't therapists supposed to randomly spout proverbial wisdom and get overly involved? Oh, well. It wasn't like I hadn't had my fair share of those, too. And of all of my therapists, she had lasted the longest.

Things had gone strangely at school that day; neither Mei or Ren had showed up, and Sam completely blew me off to go flirt with someone new. Could it be that my life was even more destitute without his attention being squandered on me? That was selfish, and I knew it.

But Mei and Ren? That had to be something involving my birthday. Though my depression hindered me from feeling too excited by my upcoming milestones (graduation, birthday, blah), I was still anticipating whatever surprise was in store.

I was at home now, locked safely and privately in my room, sitting on my bed.

I felt like a nutjob, nonetheless. I mean, seriously. It sounded like a fairy tale to even my ears, and I probably would've assumed it so if I wasn't so solidly convinced that all of it had been real.

Why hadn't I had anything physical to prove it? Nothing but stupid dreams and memories.

My mind caught on that thought, trying to dredge up something.

There was something... it hadn't been enough, though. Had I taken the clothes that Lin gave me? No, that wasn't right...

Maybe a bath token?

My mind continued like this in circles, rejecting any idea I threw at it.

I struggled to cut through all the fog and red tape that enveloped those years, to no avail. My overworked brain had had enough, and I needed _agua_.

As I reached towards my water absentmindedly, my arm froze midair as I noticed a smooshed woven circle under the bottom of the glass, the lavender color barely visible due to the limited light provided by the lamp.

As nondescript as it would've seemed to anyone else, it was unmistakable to me.

_The hairbow!_

That HAD to be proof.

It had been woven by the very creatures that were believed to be fictitious. Cautiously, I glanced sideways at my bedside table, noticing upon closer inspection how the hairbow, no longer warped by the bottom of the glass, shimmered in the dim light.

I still believed in it's magic, but now that my mother knew it's significance, I couldn't be caught wearing it anywhere.

Realizing how ridiculous this was, my thoughts deviated briefly.

So many restrictions, caused by just one slip of the tongue. Everyone walked on eggshells around me, as if I was some hysteric. How had all of this happened so quickly?

I sighed mournfully.

I was going to have to do it now. I'd become too distracted, and the urge to hold my only real memento grew too strong to resist.

Putting down the pad and paper, I stretched my arm out to pick up the tight mesh of woven strands and cradle it in my hand. It was so fragile in appearance, but it radiated the same solidarity and security of a steel wall. I slipped it into my hair, marveling over the fact that it could hold it's own in the thick, straight jungle despite it's dainty looks. My hair had been finer when I was younger, and most definitely easier on ponytail holders of any kind. I hadn't used one of these in forever. I usually had to buy the painful elastic kind, which made me hesitant to consider wearing my hair up — even for special occasions.

But just as this was similar, it was completely different, and unlike anything else. It was strong and silky, and the feel of it made me have a flashback too painful and real to be a fabricated trick of my mind.

It was walking into the boiler room that first time, and meeting Kamaji. I could still smell the soot and coal, and feel the sticky heat on my face, just like I was leaping backwards in time as opposed to simply reliving it. The emotion overwhelmed me, and in the silence my joy and tentative surprise spoiled and turned to fevered anguish.

Riding the wave of emotion that seemed ridiculous even then, I tried to reach out the tendrils of my mind to touch whatever level of consciousness Haku was on. I thought as if I was speaking, trying to keep the profound hurt that had marred me out of my voice. Some irrational part thought that without taking this precaution, he wouldn't recognize it.

_Haku, Haku. Where are you? _

Then louder;

_Haku, why didn't you ever come back to me? Don't you know what you did? Don't you know all of the shit you've caused, and how my life is a complete wreck because of you?!_

This continued on and on for fifteen minutes or so, relieving some of the crushing pain that had appeared with this discovery.

But soon the high of my delirium came to a point, too sweet to relinquish so quickly.

And, much like a drug addict, I craved more of this ambrosial release. This wasn't enough.

I needed something better than a monotonous repetition of all that I had ever thought, in the same way that nobody watches reruns all of the time.

I kicked it up a notch or two, and that only cut it for a few minutes, not nearly as long.

This pattern continued until, finally, my mind was screaming, trying to transmit all of the accumulated doubts and pain into one pure, silent shriek.

I lost all care for _what_ heard me, only caring that _he_ heard me. I was sure that no matter how heartless and greedy he had been, this sound of pure agony would _break_ him, body and soul.

I realize now that there was complete silence on the outside, but in my head the whirling fury became so loud that had it been an external sound, it would've quite easily broken glass. But angry as I was, the tears wouldn't stop falling. As angry as I was, I still couldn't deny that there was an unmistakable longing under all of my protective contradictions.

My fit was eventually interrupted.

I sprung up, startled by the sounds of someone approaching. It was strange, though; unlike hearing footfall on the stairs, my mind didn't really register where they came from, just that they were _there. _

Soon enough, there was a sharp knock that I recognized immediately. Of course it was Mom.

She had always had lousy timing when it came to these things, and she lacked the finesse to really deal with emotional situations, so this was sure to be awkward. I had unlocked my door about ten minutes before, and I silently thanked myself for providing this accidental salvation.

"Come in," my speech was muffled by my pillow, my pathetic attempt at camouflaging my undoubtedly tear-stained face and husky voice.

Breath catching in my throat, I realized that the sound had been too hollow, sounding like it came from a window and not my door.

Fear and anticipation gripped at me and tore at my sanity. A logical person would've run for their life. An intelligent person's brain would've made them shoot out of that room like a bat out of hell by pure reflex, and yet I stayed frozen in place, locked in my panic like a sitting duck.

What if it was a burglar? My mind scrambled for any information it had about how to deter an intruder.

We hadn't had crime in this area for years, but someone's house always had to be first; the tip of the iceberg. Or what if it was something worse? A hired assasin, or maybe just a bloodthirsty man who wanted to torture some innocents?

_Calm down, Chihiro_, I told myself in an attempt to slow my irrational thinking. It wasn't working, and I could feel that my panic would soon consume me.

My heart was racing in my ears, and the air was suddenly much too thin. My breath came faster as the window eased open, and wheezed towards hyperventilation as the figure, swathed in black cloth, silently slid into my room. The shadow-thing walked towards me, and I shut my eyes briefly, praying that whatever end I was about to meet would be quick. After what seemed like hours of tension with no release, I opened my eyes again.

I can't quite recall what happened next, because as the figure came into clear view, my vision got fuzzy and the world went completely black for a while.

The blackness was not unconsciousness, because I can distinctly remember how tangible the panic still was. My thoughts still raced, and I tasted something metallic. Not unconsciousness at all. Just... unawareness. I couldn't see, but I could still feel. I couldn't hear, but I knew I could still speak.

When I came to, I was pleasantly surprised to find I was not dead, and sitting upright on my bed, leaning against the soft, warm headboard that Mom had made for me all of those years ago.

But something was off. I could feel it.

Shrugging, I tried to calm myself and remedy my sudden and unexplained unease.

The metallic taste had been blood from the inside of my cheek, which I had been biting painfully. My pen and paper were right beside me, just where they had last been. The only thing that had changed was...

There was now a lump on the back of my head, and my hair was down. I would've sworn I'd put it up. I groped around and inside the covers trying, to no avail, to locate the missing hairbow.

_Oh, who cares? You're insane anyway!_, I thought to myself sardonically.

I had probably imagined all of it and blacked out from the stress of writing down my innermost feelings, I rationalized. Stretching my hand out without lifting my arm, I grasped at the notepad, not wanting to move an inch away from my warm resting place.

Unable to reach it, I attempted to nudge it with my foot, curling my leg awkwardly in the process.

I squirmed gracelessly for a few more minutes, not wanting to move away from the silky warmth of my resting place.

Internally cursing my short legs, I grunted, coming to the conclusion that this was never going to work.

"Aw, crap. I'm going to have to get up, aren't I?" I groaned and lurched forward the tiniest bit, my fingers just barely brushing the edge of the notepad. But it was enough; I snatched it up quickly, and leaned backwards with as much force as I could muster. I got back to writing, but for some reason couldn't read the words coming from my pen.

My hand was moving, but somehow it wasn't my hand any longer.

I stiffened, abruptly realizing that I had removed my cushy headboard years ago and replaced it with a wrought-iron sculpted headboard, which was definitely neither warm nor soft.

Terror seizing me in it's jaws, I tried to turn my head, but I couldn't. I was locked into place, unable to move, but this time not due to panic. I just _couldn't_ move. I wasn't in control of my body anymore, and suddenly there was hot, unpleasantly damp breath on the back of my neck, and it moved hastily towards my ear.

Oh God, what _was_ this thing? Disgust tempered my thoughts for a moment, until I heard a soft, gruff voice and a sound, like a zipper.

I shrieked, but it made no sound. I couldn't see. The unaware blackness had returned.

Though the monster had blinded me and made me mute, I could still hear him whisper the words that made my blood race and my pulse climb.

"Chihiro, it's me. But something happened when I crossed into your world. I don't think you'll like me anymore..." the Monster's voice faltered, and, with a shock, I realized what it meant.

As my heart pounded in my ears, a soft, sticky sound, I shook my head. This was ridiculous. I'd never cared about anything more than this day. It wasn't going to be ruined by some foolish insecurity of his.

I had so many questions. Why hadn't he answered all of the times I had screamed for him before? Why did he pick now?

But perhaps the biggest question was for me.

Should I be angry with him still, or should I let the mounting joy overwhelm the once-volcanic anger that now glowed dim as an ember?

I realized I wasn't ready to answer either question, and something miraculous happened.

It was like some great weight had been removed from my chest. I found that I could move again, and see. I had to see him.

Turning to look at him, skull buzzing with anticipation, I was stopped by a violent shaking. My vision blurred, and I heard a thunderous rumble as I tossed.

There was an earthquake. That was the only plausible explanation for this raw force that threw me like a rag doll.

I could hear my parents yelling downstairs, their faint shouts becoming louder as they ran up the stairs. A shooting pain rocketed up my left side, and scrambled away from the bed, covering my head and screaming.

Suddenly the floor fell out from under me. I dropped in terror, my silent screams doing nothing to stop the quick falling, and the ground getting larger and larger as I plummeted towards it.

I snapped my eyes shut, knowing with chilling clarity that if I was going to die, I'd rather not watch it as it hurtled closer.

And with the sudden darkness, the ground beneath me was soft. I was sitting down, on my bed…

Talk about _déjà vu._

"Chihiro! Chihiro, snap out of it or so help me…" Mom's voice sounded shaken, but still didn't sound nearly as bad as I felt.

My head throbbed in a direct complaint against the sudden light, and my hair was damp with –ugh– sweat. What the hell had just happened? Where was Haku? I looked around, slightly disappointed to see only my room.

"Mom?" My voice was weak and barely audible to even my own ears, but Mom seemed to hear well enough. Her face changed instantly to an angry look as she comically shook the journal at me.

"Chihiro, you fell asleep writing in your journal. Don't you know how worried your father and I were?! We thought you had another blackout. We thought we were going to have to take you to the emergency room!" She seemed flustered, and I pitied her for the brief seconds that she was silent.

She had, in fact, gone through all of these years with an insane daughter, crushing all of her hopes of becoming some model PTA mom.

Of course, then she started talking again.

"You really shouldn't do that! I mean, you are going to mess up your sleeping schedule, and you know how much I hate it when you stay up all night and can't go to school the next day."

My compassion shrank amazingly fast, and I tried to pretend I didn't notice when she slipped out of the room, leaving me alone with my thoughts.

* * *

**A/N: Sorry this one is so short... I'll have another chapter up really, excruciatingly soon, okay? Maybe even TONIGHT.**


	4. Holiday Special Fluffity!

**A/N: Okay, guys. This is your Christmas (or Kwanzaa or Hanukkah or whichever) present! It's a completely unrealistic fluff scene derived from Haku's aforementioned "dream", except from Chihiro's P.O.V. (because look how ME writing from HAKU's P.O.V. turned out last time... :/)** **It's to tide you over, seeing as I will be getting a good ol' dose of holiday-food induced lethargy quite soon, and also because you have several chapters to go until the "meeting" sceneblah.  
**

* * *

It was summer, and my window was open.

I was lying on my bed, notebook out, thinking about how remarkable this day was, how things seemed so improbably perfect. Everything seemed to be painted a golden, glowing hue, and the warm breeze that drifted in aided this strange illumination, and seemed to soak it into my very core. I decided that, while this bliss would never last, I might as well enjoy it. I deserved it, after all of the crap I had put up with during exams. A minute of relaxed stupor was the least I deserved, actually. Stupid A.P. classes.

Sweet, melancholy music wafted from the speakers of my stereo, and I couldn't help but turn it up and look out my window. My stomach filled with butterflies, and I didn't understand why I was so happy until I looked down. All of the peices fit together perfectly, and shockingly enough, this only heightened my euphoria.

_Why?_

was a man lying on his back in the tree beside my window. One who, while unrecognized by my eyes, was instantly familiar with my heart. An uncontrollable delirious feeling spread through me, and, without a second thought, I shut off the music and leaned out of my window so that my face was almost level with his. I drank in every detail in a split second, both shocked and delighted by what I was seeing.

His hair, the same sable shade, was cropped slightly shorter and seemed slightly ruffled. His face, still the most exquisite I had ever seen, was the same porcelian shade that it had been all those years ago, but it had hardened and aged. He looked to be a few years older than me now. His jaw was more defined, and his bow-shaped lips had become fuller. His eyes were closed, but I could imagine well enough how those dark green eyes would shine if they were open. He was lean, but not wiry, and exactly how I had always imagined. It made my stomach hurt.

He looked peaceful and beautiful, and, for some reason, all of this put together was hilarious. Haku's eyes snapped open, and he fell from the tree, gasping aloud. I was giggling uncontrollably now. I swung down from my window, landing beside him in the grass. I could barely get any words out, I was laughing so hard. And oh _God,_ the way he was looking at me was so funny. But I somehow managed.

"Haku, I knew you would come back!," His face puckered with disbelief for a moment, then, as the disbelief subsided, was consumed with joy.

Sitting up as quickly as I'd ever seen, he looped his arms around my shoulders and pulled me close so that my face was nuzzled into the curve of his neck. I inhaled deeply, not wanting to forget this moment, ever. We sat like this for some time, uninterrupted and silent in our wonder. I couldn't help but think how _good _this felt. Soon enough, there was a new element to fuel my newfound feelings.

Haku spoke, and the earth seemed to shake. His voice was deep and smooth, and was filled with so much emotion, it was almost painful.

"Chihiro, I have waited for this day for years," It was only a whisper, but it seemed to be all that I could hear.

He moved back some, holding me away from him, as if to examine me. Blushing, I suddenly felt self-conscious about my paint stained t-shirt and jeans.

"And I want you to know something. You were never alone. I was always there, watching over you, and you have no idea how hard it was for me to watch all of the horrible things that they did to you, and all of the pain that you've been in because of me," I could feel his gaze as he said these words, but I couldn't bring myself to meet his eyes. I could, however bring myself to ask a question.

"Then why did you let them?," My voice shook. Why was I spoiling this moment by asking questions, again?

Haku was silent for a moment, and when he finally spoke, there was pain in his voice that made my heart ache.

"I thought I would scare you. Chihiro, you have to understand, when I came here like this–" he gestured to his body "– you were still ten years old, and you wanted my old form. I wasn't sure that you would understand," He dropped his arms as he said this, and I internally kicked myself for making him feel so bad. Mustering up as much courage as I could manage, I lifted his chin so that I could look into his eyes.

"Haku, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make it sound like I was angry. I was simply curious as to why you didn't bring yourself to my attention sooner, and I understand now. Listen, Haku. I've thought about being angry at you. I've _tried_ to be angry at you. But all of that time, I was just angry at myself. I was angry at myself for not being able to forget you, or your world. The truth is, I don't think I have it in me to be angry with you. I've always loved you too much."

I dropped my hand from his face and lowered my eyes. He sat there for a few seconds, as motionless as a statue. I stared at him for a long minute, but his eyes seemed to be glazed over.

_Shit, I shouldn't have said "love". I guess it freaks out even the non-human males. Urgh, I'd better leave before he wakes up and it gets all awkward. Leave it to me to screw up the happiest day of my life._

I started to get up, and Haku finally showed some signs of life.

"Wait," He pulled on my arm so that I was back on the ground with him, and put his hands gently on either side of my face.

This time it was I who was being forced to look into another's eyes. And I suppose that this time it was his turn to say something, but what he said took me completely by surprise, as did what happened next.

"Chihiro, I have no words to describe what is in my heart. Love doesn't even come close," His eyes shone as he said this, and before I realized what I was doing, my arms were looped around his neck, and my face was less than an inch from his.

I'm not sure who, exactly, initiated the kiss, but the feeling alone was enough for me to want to continue it. I pressed closer to him and wove my hands through his hair, and his arms wound around me, pulling me even farther forward. He made a sound that concerned me at first, until I realized that it was a wordless type of exultation. We continued on like this for some time, exploring eachother's (upper only, ABOVE T-SHIRT, you gutterbugs!) bodies, marveling in this new sensation, until we had our fill.

Afterwards we lay in eachother's arms until Haku heard my Mother coming up the stairs.

It was sad to see such a marvelous thing end, but I was relatively sure it wouldn't be the last time.

* * *

**Bwahahah!**

**Happy Holidays!  
**

**xoxo, Hoove.  
**


	5. Chapter 3

**Haku's P.O.V.**

Chihiro is beautiful, I'm the first person to admit it. Mornings, however…do not seem to be the easiest time of day for her. Every day at 6 am, she gets up and stumbles like a drunkard towards her shower, and then to her bureau to buff her face with powder that seemingly has no use. Today was like every other, save the fact that she bothered to apply black paste to her eyelashes. I didn't understand her sudden vanity, but she looked stunning, even standing there in her towel, half-awake and unaware of my eyes raking over her body.

Ridiculously enough, jealousy stirred inside of me.

Who was she putting on makeup for? There had better not be someone courting her. She checked her appearance in the mirror, and turned to pick out her clothes, grumbling to herself about some person named Kathy's tendencies to pick early-morning appointments.

She turned her back to the window and slipped off her towel, exposing her bare back. I felt something stirring inside me, but this time it was not jealousy. This older human body was strange, and reacted to the mere idea of Chihiro's nudity in a way that made me ashamed of myself.

It had startled me at first, until I realized what was happening. Then I avoided it as much as possible by thinking about idle, random things, like kittens. Kittens, kittens, kittens. Oh how I loved those…smooth….white…round…kittens? Shit.  
_  
"Damned hormones, making me think the unsavory thoughts of a perverted, disgusting teenager. I'm supposed to be PROTECTING her, not watching her like some creepy peeping Tom."_

Nonetheless, I was overwhelmed with an urge to catapult myself through her window and hump her leg like some dog in heat. Her naked, clean-shaven, fresh out of the showe-I smacked myself. _No, Haku. She doesn't even know you're alive. _

I waited a few more minutes, counting the leaves on the other side of the tree, until I assumed it safe to turn around. Couldn't have any of _that_ sort of mistake today, oh no.

I immediately noticed that she was wearing green again, for the third day in a row.

A hooded sweatshirt this time, not a sweater, and instead of the earthen green she usually favored, it was the color of some repulsive citrus fruit whose name I couldn't recall. It made me grin, though, to know that she wore green to feel safe. I had read it in one of the numerous journal entries she had tossed out the window to hide from her nosy, overbearing bitch of a mother.

This was odd, nonetheless; she usually favored a color pattern of red shirts on Mondays, black on Tuesdays, blue on Wednesdays, yellow or orange on Thursdays, and purple of Friday, and had never before worn green for three consecutive days.

Hell, she usually only wore it once a month.

I know, it makes me sound creepy and stalkerish. But it came naturally for me, picking up on such patterns as I witnessed her daily life, and this pattern had come as a relief for me. For the longest time she had favored darker colors, almost as if she were attending a funeral each day of the week.

And by watching her so often, I began to realize that Chihiro had two faces; the cheerier, false one that she put on for the public, and the distorted, bitter one that she reserved for her eyes only. The real one, the one that I had created in her.

I dangled my foot and couldn't help but blushing a bit to myself, ashamed.

I would reveal myself that night. I couldn't stand this lunacy any longer. Screw waiting until her seventeenth birthday.

The hours went by slowly, and as Chihiro left for therapy and school, I decided that I needed something to do, something to distract myself with. Walking around the town had become annoying and tiring, and people had begun to talk to me and ask questions. I needed something quick and easy, but still time-consuming. My stomach growled plaintively.

That would work.

My hunger, though a simple motivation, was strong enough for me to notice. It was one of the things I hated the very most about this form; my body wanted food much more than was normal. Over time I had trained myself to ignore all but the most desperate of hunger pangs, and this had made things a bit easier. Nonetheless, I could tell that this one was worth satisfying.

I stumbled down the dirt road towards town. The serenity of the countryside was something I would never get enough of; the hustle and bustle of the town, with its many shops and electronics, its kitschy tourist attractions…it could never compare to the clear blue sky and the green grass growing around me.

This, for some reason, always made me think of Chihiro. Though simpler, her beauty surpassed anything I'd ever seen; the women with their painted faces, like porcelain dolls, the buxom girls walking down the street in their tightly fitting, too-small clothing…it was natural and real.

Surveying my surroundings, I concluded that I had better pick up the pace; I wasn't even halfway to town.

The day went by fairly quickly after I got some food and returned to my tree. I had stocked up on enough canned food alone to last me a month, not to mention all of the fruit. I hadn't even thought about how I was going to store it all, and this taunted me until I found a large hole in the upper part of the tree's trunk. _Perhaps not so good for the tree, _I thought, _but good enough for me._

And so there I sat, dozing and pondering, until nightfall came.

Then, at last, I heard Chihiro's rusty, metal _Godzilla_ pull into the driveway (I had been fairly certain that it was called a car, until I heard her talking to her friend Mei about it). She seemed sad about something, and she slammed her bedroom door on the way in, locking it, and later unlocking it.

She sat down on her bed, opening a notebook.

_Oh_, she was going to write. I had never much cared for reading, but Chihiro's notes were a whole different animal. The raw emotion captured in them made my very core ache.

How could I have caused this?

My mind always started spinning when I thought about what role I had played in her life so far. I had caught her crying over the loss of my world so many times, and I wondered if I shouldn't just leave her alone after all I'd done. Time was something that didn't really factor into my life; I had lived in so many differing worlds that it all became muddled after awhile. Dreaming was something I scarcely did anymore; when I had first come to this world, my dreams had been uncontrollable and invaded my sleep every night. Now I could easily stifle them.

But sometimes, my most beloved memory from a dream unfolded as I sat in my makeshift home, bursting into my reality. Reliving it made my waiting a little more bearable.

It was summer, and the warm breeze disturbed the leaves

Chihiro's window was open, and music was drifting freely from it. A song that I had heard in the town, perhaps. It was strange and familiar all at once. What it was saying seemed to speak to me more than anything. I hummed along and listened harder, closing my eyes.

_So you stole my world_  
Send it in a letter

Now I'm just a phony

Remembering the girl

Leaves me down and lonely

_Make yourself feel better_

But it's not so bad

You're only the best I ever ha-

The music stopped abruptly. Upon opening my eyes, I found that two dark blue ones were staring back at me giddily.

I gasped aloud and fell, with a loud _thunk_, out of my tree.

Sitting up, I rubbed my sore back and shot a scorching look at the cause of this most painful accident. My heart swelled.

Chihiro just giggled.

"Haku, I knew you would come back!,"

She swung down easily from her window, landing beside me on the ground, reaching over to wrap her arms around me and cover my face with kisses. Her hands roamed my back and neck, almost as if she was checking to make sure I was completely, really there. I rolled her over so that she was under me, pinned to the ground, and then began to-

SHIT, what was that screaming? My reverie was ended as easily as it had begun. _Chihiro? Something's wrong._

I landed with a muffled thump on the lawn, immediately looking up into Chihiro's room. Just minutes ago, she had been writing in her therapy journal. But something had changed-the air had become thick with anticipation; I could sense Chihiro's anxiety, feel it in my bones.

Something was there, something not-human. It was something that I couldn't quite name, something that I knew, but at the same time couldn't quite grasp. Like smoke or steam, it eluded me as I crept closer toward Chihiro's seemingly open window.

A dark figure leaned over her, almost caressing her cheek, whispering to her. The change in Chihiro's emotions were almost palpable. Bipolar; complete terror and revulsion to radiant joy.

But that wasn't all; there was a connection between the two, something that I envied very much, not unlike the connection I once shared with her. I had only seen it once before, in an old couple walking down the street together.

The couple, arm in arm, had come to a crosswalk.

The elderly woman's vision clearly lacked clarity, and her wrinkled face contorted and scrunched with the effort of reading a sign to her right, and refused herself any help from her partner. She obviously struggled, and the task was laborious to her. After a few minutes, the man with her whispered something in her ear and she laughed as buoyantly as anyone half her age. They were quite clearly bonded by a love that surpassed any understanding of mine. It left ripples in the air surrounding them, as if their happiness was too large to be contained by two bodies alone.

Tensing my arms, I readied myself for the leap that would, if my aim was correct, put me right between Chihiro and the looming beast pressing into her trembling, delicate body. My heart raced as I felt the blackness consume her. Silent tremors rocked through me as I fought the urge to scream. I couldn't stand it, I couldn't bear to watch this, this _thing_ pass its shadowy hands over her, cupping her face as if it were her greatest lover or dearest friend. I turned my head, hoping I could control myself until the moment safest for both Chihiro and myself.

What happened next was the final straw to break the camel's back.

Chihiro's doll-like face went slack, her limbs limp, as the shadow-apparently satisfied in some way-receded into the night. I leapt toward the window, barely catching the ledge with my feet. It shattered loudly, and I knew I had only a few seconds until her parents came up.

Chihiro was pale, paler than usual, and her breathing was shallow. She thrashed and convulsed on the bed, but something told me that this would pass. After swiftly repairing the broken window, I bent down to softly kiss her forehead before I left.


	6. Chapter 4

The next morning, I was roused from my deep sleep by the ever wonderful (if not familiar) sound of my mother screaming for me to wake up. She seemed even more frazzled than usual. I mean, I completely understood her worry, but she was annoyingly anal about the way I was dressed that day. Nothing even remotely close to green. A pink tee shirt and some jeans with my standard black hoodie. And I swear, when I picked up a Granny Smith apple to eat with breakfast, she twitched. Even Mom's insulting scrutiny couldn't spoil the unshakably good mood I was in, though.

You see, upon realizing that there was even the smallest chance that the previous night wasn't just a hallucination, I lost any concern for the outside world. I lost concern for everything, really. I sat in English, thinking in circles while the teacher drawled on. Had it been real? Was that even remotely possible? Yes. But it was also about three times as possible that it had all been a dream. I needed concrete proof, something that was undeniable. I needed something to show to everyone else. But what could I possibly get? A strand of hair? A shirt? No, those things weren't convincing enough. What I needed was a plan. I pulled out a sheet of paper and began scribbling away, completely oblivious to my surroundings. About halfway into my brilliant plotting, however, I was interrupted.

A small square of folded paper landed in the middle of my desk. I looked around, only to see Mei grinning at me from her seat. Carefully, I unfolded the note so that the teacher wouldn't see it.  
_  
Chihiro, I'm really sorry I snapped at you the other day... I didn't mean to bring up you-know-who. I was just being really defensive for no reason. I don't know why I haven't told you this already, I mean I know I can trust you and all, but I've sort of developed a wee bit of a crush on Ren, the stupid pansy.  
_  
I hastily scribbled my response.

_Haha! Mei, you crack me up. But Ren isn't a pansy. He's a water lily. ^-^ But seriously? Ren? _

A stern look.

_Yes, Ren. Now SHUT UP before I get onto you for dodging my calls. Stupid whore. And I swear to god if you breathe a WORD of this to Ren…_

A raised eyebrow. But before I could reply, the bell for lunch rang, sending us off to the cafeteria. Mei was visibly shaking, and I briefly wondered if this was due to her anticipation of seeing Ren. If so, this was a lot more than a little crush. Plopping down at our normal table, Mei and I sat in silence until Ren came tramping up, singing.

"A veeery merry unbirthday to you! Chihiro!"

"Who, me?" I batted my eyelashes innocently.  
"Yes, you," Mei fidgeted with her food. "What, exactly, do you plan on doing for your birthday anyway? It's not a milestone like 16 or 18, so we can't very well throw you a party without looking like complete twats…if you don't give me any ideas, I might just end up taking you to a strip club."

I laughed. "Mei, you know my parents are far too anal. They'd know the second I came home exactly what I had been doing, and who with. They'd never let me see the two of you again!"

"Anal, eh? Damn, Chihiro. I didn't ever think of your parents as open to experimentation. Wink wink." Ren sniggered, biting into a large sandwich.

"Shut up, you pervert! I was actually thinking that we could go to Otaru Dream Beach, if that's not too much of a hassle."

Mei's eyes lit up. She had always loved the beach. "OHMYGOSHYES! That is a GREAT idea! I-" she was cut off by the dismissal bell. "I'll talk to you later, Chihiro. Have fun in Chem!"

The rest of my day went by quickly, and so I shuffled out to my car with the ringing of the final bell. Pulling out into the street, I was quickly met by oncoming traffic. My heart stopped as I glanced at the cab of the truck behind mine. _God Dammit, SAM. I'm going to kill him. _I waved. He grinned a big, silly grin and waved back, obviously enthused by my noticing him. It was then that I realized I had to do something, anything to relieve myself of this constant Haku-obsessing ASAP.

Once home, I checked to make sure neither of my parents were there before rounding up the supplies and heading up to my room; oils and herbs, candles, and a homemade Ouija board. Turning on some soft music and lighting the candles, I began to daub the oil and herb mixture on the doorways and windows and chant loudly the things I had found on the websites I visited.

**Ad captandum,**

_For the sake of pleasing, _(I set the incense burning and lit the last of the candles)

**Ad usum,**

_According to custom, _(I daubed the oil and herbs on the entrances)

**Amor animi arbitrio sumitur, non ponitur**

_We choose to love, we do not choose to stop loving,_

**Oro, fiat illud quod tam sitio:**

_I ask you to fulfill what I so desire:_

**Ut te revelata cernens facie,**

_To see you face to face again. _

**

* * *

****Haku**

I could not help but wonder what the _hell_ Chihiro was doing. Watching her from the tree was both the best comedy I'd ever seen and the most disturbing thing I'd ever witnessed. In some ways, it pained me that she had become so desperate to see me that she would do something so sad. Armed with what appeared to be seasoning salt, vegetable oil, and scented bath candles, she attempted to summon me back through a misshapen hunk of cardboard and what sounded like a mish-mash of mispronounced Latin proverbs.

Something struck me as I watched; Chihiro was not doing this because she returned the feelings I so desperately wanted her to. Chihiro was doing this to confirm her _sanity. _

Nonetheless, the hilarity and irony was not lost on me. The chanting intensified, sounding more like grunting as she repeated over again the same phrases, and my name. Foolish girl… I doubted that even the most desperate of spirits would appear to her, even were they seeking someone to prey upon. However, I could not risk her behaviour repeating itself. This episode only strengthened my conviction; I must reveal myself to her on-time. No more games, no more watching helplessly as Chihiro pulled her silly stunts. Only truth.

And the truth was, I completely loved Chihiro Oniga. Cowchanting and all.

**

* * *

****Chihiro**

"Ohmmmm! Ohhhhmmm!" I sat, cross-legged, in the middle of my floor. "Ohmmm, Hakupleasevisitme ohhhmmmm! Ohhm, Hakuwherethefuckareyou? Ohhhmmmm!"

I had been at it for an hour and a half, and had very little time before my parents arrived home. Trying the Ouija board once more would not help (I'd say four times is enough), and my room was beginning to smell like a candy shop from all of the incense and candles (so what? All we had was cinnamon-smelling!). I was tired of this-Haku was obviously either not listening, or not going to come to me this easily. I briefly considered holding a knife to my throat, but I couldn't count on that, either. I couldn't count on him watching. My doorknob was slightly slick from the oil, and I was sure that if I didn't get my ridiculous mess cleaned up and my homework started before my mom came home I'd be in a world of hurt. I cleaned quickly, all the while thinking of the dark, shadowy figure I had seen the night before. Wings, he had _wings_, black and slick like oil. The memory was blurred, I was sure it had to be because Haku didn't want me to remember or something...whatever this meant, it had to be good.

When the door slammed open, I was sitting at my desk, staring at a complex math problem that I did not understand completely; I had finished cleaning with seconds to spare, opening my windows so that the smell would hopefully fade a little. A deep, male voice boomed through the house.

"Chihiiiro! We're home!" my father began to stomp up the stairs to my room. The door swung open, and I turned around to face him.

"How was your day, daddy?" I smiled, and he sniffed the air.

"Good, sweetie… we got you something really nice for your birthday in a couple of days, you can go ahead and see it in the morning. It's for the trip you have planned with Mei and Ren…but may I ask you…what is that smell? Have you been burning your mother's good candles?" I nodded.

"She's going to throw a fit when she finds out…let me fart in here to cover up the smell, okay?" my eyes widened in mock-terror, and I shook my head furiously. It was too late. A loud _riiiiiiiiiiiiip_, and he was out of my room. I'm usually a daddy's little girl, but it was the most disgusting I had ever smelt in my life.

I spent the rest of my night alone in my room; my mother had enough sense to leave me alone after the previous night's events. Ever-so-aware and paranoid, I convinced myself that Haku was somehow watching, somehow granted a panoramic view of the situation. Turning on the stereo sitting next to my bed, I began to dance senselessly to the new La Roux cd that I had bought a week before. A sort of summoning thing, sort of like a rain dance, I continued until I fell exhausted and limp in a heap upon my bed. I slept dreamlessly that night, and in that I was at peace, even if only for a brief period of time. Only, I could have sworn that, just before I drifted off to sleep, I felt a pair of lips pressed gently to my forehead.

* * *

**Alright, guys. I'm going to try to write more. I know I've not updated in over a year, and this sudden influx of chapters may confuse you. And this one was a bit of a rush job just to get new material up, so I apologize if it's crap. But please R&R, you know the drill.**

**xoxoxoxo, Hoove**


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